on finding peace at home
I mentioned that I had taken a break from blogging/ and from becoming a wild family to find peace within the home.
What did I actually mean “finding peace at home”?
Let me explain…
Our family is fluid and ever changing…sometimes these changes are so slow, we hardly notice it is happening. Sometimes, these changes are so obvious that they stare at you all day long, waiting to be acknowledged! The changes in our family was banging on the door!
Since 2005, I have been a parent to young children. Simone was born at the end of April and by the beginning of the following April, Eddie joined us. Within a few years I had 4 young ones, and I have enjoyed mothering young children for the last 11+ years.
My babies were growing up.
I am sad to say that I was yelling at my kids – because we were all resisting change rather than embracing it. The last thing I want to be is yelly-pants! …but no one wanted to work together when we were at home. I felt that when we were home, we were not living in harmony together.
I read the beginning of a fabulous book that changed how I viewed my home and family. (Of course I can’t for the life of me remember the title) Anyway, the book explained that we need to step away from making ~impossible~ worldly goals and focus on one spiritual goal.
My worldly goal thinking: “We’ll be so happy once the house is clean, then we can play a board game and we will be so very happy together!” But then I would get overwhelmed trying to pick up the whole house and I would start yelling for help and everyone would be grumpy and by the time the task is done we all needed a break from each other and that board game never got played. Yea, the house was picked up, but at the expense of family happiness.
So I started a new mental mantra
“I want peace with-in the home. Everything I do should be because of love.”I started with my kitchen. It was (and sometimes still is) the bane of my existence. My kitchen is ancient and small and it gets messy way to quickly and I hated to cook in it. Well, there will never be a different kitchen in my house, so I decided to embrace it with love… and I changed it to work for us better.
I took all the food out of the pantry and… I replaced it with my dishes. Now I can see all my beloved vintage dishes in an organized beautiful way. That in itself made me happy 🙂
Then I put all the food in our awkwardly shaped cabinets. I could seperate and catorgorize food better. The kitchen worked so much better and I began to love it… just a little bit a first, but more and more as time goes on.
Once I loved my kitchen, I began to find happiness in preparing food for my family again. I didn’t mind spending so much time in it. I didn’t mind cleaning it because I knew that it would bring me peace.
Also – I gave the kids more responsibility. After meals, the kids put their own dishes in the dishwasher! Everyone helps clean after the messy cook (yes, that’s me). It took practice but now we do it together talking and laughing and being peaceful about the clean up chore rather than me just barking orders.
I’ve had many conversations with the kids about having a peaceful home. The kids had spent the night at their Grandma and Grandpa’s house and when we went to pick them up, their house was so peaceful and tidy. I explained to the kids that our home should be like that! (Thanks mom and dad for being so amazing and inspirational!)
Large cousin sleep-over with grandparents, yet the house was kept calm and clean!
Undoing old habits take time. It’s not easy to change our thinking but repeating the words peace and love has helped us. Practice is important but forgiveness is essential. Stopping in my tracks of yelling, I would apologize, restate our family goal of having a peaceful home and try again.
Having older children in the home versus young ones is different… and I’m beginning to enjoy the benefits.
The kids, together, can clean the upper floor themselves. This involves two bedrooms and the family room. Any mess up there is their doing, and they are responsible enough to clean it up. That takes a huge burden off of me and they do such a good job!Our living room has changed from big bulky kid-proof furniture to a vintage “just-our style” kind of room. I find peace in it all day long… from yoga by myself (yes by myself!) to sitting and relaxing (yes relaxing!!!) in my chair (that I bought for Josh and then stole!). Even our dining room is peaceful. There is a record player, a lounge chair, school supplies, and a table that beckon to be used. Okay, now I’m just bragging 😉
I needed time to focus on creating peace within the home by helping us adjust to the growing pains! and no more Yelly-Pants!
We even play those board games now 😊